Beyonce Knowles, well-known singer, songwriter and actress, opened up about the pain she endured after she went through a miscarriage prior to giving birth to her first child, Blue Ivy. The details, reports the Huffington Post, are debuted in the singer’s documentary entitled Life is But a Dream, which will air on HBO later in February.

While it was no secret Beyonce and Jay-Z went through a miscarriage, both performers have been very quiet about the experience, even though Jay-Z mentions the event in one of his latest songs.

Beyonce Knowles (s_bukley / Shutterstock)

“Last time the miscarriage was so tragic/We was afraid you’d disappear/But nah baby you magic,” says his verse.

Up until now, Beyonce had not spoken about the miscarriage to the public, though she admits that right after the event,  she went to the studio and wrote the “saddest song she has ever written in her life.” For her, she explains in the documentary, her music was the best therapy.

According to the American Pregnancy Association, women who experience a miscarriage often experience emotions of anger, guilt, sadness, numbness, depression and disbelief. Often, the strain can be so severe, physical symptoms also manifest. It is not uncommon for women in Beyonce’s situation to have trouble sleeping, loss of appetite, fatigue and difficulty concentrating. With so many physical and emotional consequences, it’s no wonder Beyonce has remained silent about her experience until now.

“About two years ago, I was pregnant for the first time. And I heard the heartbeat, which was the most beautiful music I ever heard in my life,” Beyonce opened up. “I envisioned what my child would look like … I was feeling very maternal.”

Soon after, however, the pregnancy took a tragic turn. “I flew back to New York to get my check up—and no heartbeat. Literally the week before I went to the doctor, everything was fine, but there was no heartbeat.”

Though the couple was understandably devastated by the news, the experience led them to appreciate even more the news that Blue Ivy was on the way.  Born in January 2012, the baby girl has already found a place in much of her father’s music, with Jay-Z recording several songs with the word “blue” in the title.

In an official statement reported by ABC News, Beyonce and Jay-Z said Blue Ivy’s “birth was emotional and extremely peaceful, we are in heaven.” They added she was “delivered naturally.” The baby weighed seven pounds at birth, and the event was “the best experience of both of our lives.”

The birth of Blue Ivy likely relieved both Beyonce and Jay-Z who, like most parents, were probably concerned for the health of their new baby. Even though the birth of the healthy little girl might serve as a comfort to the couple, the American Psychological Association notes women may mourn a miscarriage long after the birth of another child. In some situations, depression and anxiety can last years, and women who have had a previous miscarriage are at a higher risk for postpartum depression in subsequent pregnancies.

The cause of Beyonce’s miscarriage has not yet been made public and it is unclear if it will be discussed at all in the upcoming airing of the documentary.

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